Somehow I've lost it... the passion for kids, for mommydom, for the whole package... Somehow between the loads of laundry, the fights, the juice spills, the wet Pull-ups, the sticky fingerprints, the incessent whining and the fall-into-bed-tired-only-to-wake-up-to-a-screaming-child moments, I've lost my zeal for being a good mom. I wander around in a zombie-like trance, coming out only to rant and rail against life, my husband, my kids, and whatever else is eating at me at the moment... I hate who I've become. How can I revive the fire, the joy in the journey... the special butterfly-kiss moments with my boys? To revel in the minute, the second, this short little time when they're all mine?
6 responses:
Mikki,
I hated reading your post... You left me such an wonderful message on my blog that it was awful to hear you sound unhappy... I don't know if I have an answer for you... I'm not sure how to revive the zest in my life, so I'm not about to tell you how to do it... You seem like a beautiful person, and I'm sure that at some point you will turn to do something and realise there has been a change, and you once again will be filled.
Thankyou for praying for me, I will for you.
Nicky xx
When I get like this(and we all do sometimes)I just take the weekend off. I pump my milk but otherwise I lock myself in the guest room with a plethora of books and only open the door for food.I call my husband on his cell phone and put in my order.By Monday, I am ready to go!Its amazing how the husband and kids really can do without me for the weekend and I get that "Im a good mommy" zing back.
Oh hon :( It makes me sad to hear such things -- I'm sure you'll get it back. We all have shit phases in our lives right? So who says this will stay.
I try to live by an, "it will always work out" motto. I mean, look back at bad things that have happened in your life, how they were fixed and where I am now.
It will be fine :) I' send my love.
I think when I get this way, I have to take a step back, in my mind because my husband travels a lot for work, and look at the little things...I go in and sit by my kids while they sleep and I spend time praying for them. Or, since I journal a lot of the sweet moments, I'll go back and read those. And, I stop doing all the things pressing on me that can wait (and realistically, there are lots of those). And, pray for God to renew your zest in your husband, your life, you children and in everything you do. This is something I struggle with greatly.
You know, I'm sure we all go through phases like this, it's unavoidable! I always have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my kids while they're young and want to have us around. It's hard though because there's always something we busy moms have to tend to. Never enough time for ourselves! You have my sympathy!
My secret is beer. There is actually a wine on the market named "Mommy's Time Out". Seriously though, there is no job in this world that anyone loves everyday. It will ebb and flow, as it should. As they are young it is especially challenging and thankless. Don't beat yourself up about it. I special kiss and an unsolicited "I love you Mommy" can go a long way. You are also allowed to take time for yourself doing whatever it is that recharges your batteries. Hang in there.
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