I’ve been rolling all my thoughts, opinions and fears around & around in my head. Thinking about the upcoming – and completely unavoidable – birth. If you’ve been hanging around me or my blog lately, you know I’m a Cesarean mom twice over and hoping for a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 C-sections). So many times since the birth of my boys, I’ve felt robbed, cheated, less than a complete mother… and at some points, a failure.
In my journey towards a VBAC decision, I’ve read a lot of articles, blogs, books… many many opinions… and unfortunately it’s really hard to find ones that are unbiased. On one hand, you have those who are anti-doctor, anti-hospital, going so far as to say that in a hospital you may experience “birth-rape” when decisions are taken out of your hands. On the other hand you have people who choose every available measure to make the birth easier… epidurals to C-sections. And I fall somewhere in the middle.
Yesterday I stumbled upon an article that finally had that calming effect on me… and here are some excerpts that especially jumped out at me:
You have a choice about how you experience life and how you respond to the things that happen to you. You can allow things that happen to you dictate your self-worth.
And most importantly:
I think that the goal of pregnancy shouldn’t be the “birth experience” or having one’s body “do what it was designed to do”; the goal of pregnancy should be a live baby at the end.
Please note that I don’t necessarily agree with the entire article… but for once I realized that I'm not defined by how I birth my baby, feed my baby, or dress my baby. My main goal should be to nurture & love my baby (& hubby & kids!) and to live a life of service. May I keep my priorities straight…
4 responses:
I am so glad that you found something to encourage you. I hated reading birthing books that talked about being less of a mom (whether they intended it or not) by saying things "if you have a c-section, you really gave birth too." Duh, a baby came out. I had 2 and felt horrible about it at first until I met so many other mom's and friends that had them and they were a wonderful experience. Better than natural in most cases, if they had both, they liked the c-section better. And it was an easier recovery. It is such a trend right now to be natural about everything from make-up to food, to birthing to breast milk etc... and that was another problem for me. My breast milk never fully came in and these boys were too hungry for what I gave, so I had to supplement then go all formula but I felt like a horrible mom... when I am not. I should be praising God that there is formula for my kiddos and that there is such a thing as c-sections since mine was an emergency and by choice the second time. So, I want to encourage you to be free and do what is right for you and your body and don't feel guilty for HOW GOD HAS MADE YOU. I realized with Jasper that God knew before he was born that I wouldn't have enough breast milk and that he (in psalm 139) knitted him together and made his body to handle formula and it is a blessing. I just need to relax in him!
I have never heard of women having a vbac after 2 c-sections, I don't think that is allowed in America.. or Hungary... but it is in Canada? Very interesting.
I hope this was encouraging you! I just wanted to encourage you :)
I had a c-section with both my children.
I have 2 sister-in-laws that have 4 kids each and neither of them had to have c-sections for any of their children. So they kind of looked down on me as well as my mother-in-law. They looked at it as taking the "easy way out". Well first of all the c-sections were unavoidable, and second there was nothing easy about having a c-section.
I truly hope that you don't feel less of a mom because of how you birthed your children.
Because it truly saddens me that people feel that way, and especially that other people put that burden and feeling upon others.
Babies are a gift from God, now matter how they arrive.
Either way you go you will get a beautiful baby at the end. I sat down and made a list for my doctor as to why I wanted a VBA2C and she completely understood. Just a couple of reasons I will mention here are...1. I feel like I was the last person to hold my children after they where born. 2. I know that a c-section is a major surgery, weather they want to tell you that or not. 3. I had a tough time recovering with both c/s. That's just the top three. But like I said in the end you get a baby and as long as He/she is healthy that's what matters. If you are wanting a vbac because of those who think you are "cheating" tell them to kiss it. You are still giving birth no matter how you go about it. I hope you get to birth how you want to, but if it ends in a c/s you can always make the best of it and do it the way you want to.
It's nice to see things in perspective. You have some really great supportive comments here. It won't be long and you'll be blogging about the new baby! Can't wait! :)
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