the decision

Well. The would-be VBAC will now be Cesarean #3. It was my decision; nobody pushed me into it; it’s made, and amazingly it wasn’t too hard to let go. It just felt so right to finally decide; a huge weight was lifted off me and I got so excited about my baby all over again! I know my decision was right for me and me alone - I'm definitely not against VBACs and not necessarily so pro-Cesarean - but each person is different and has to make that individual choice.

For me, the thought of VBAC was to portray to others an image of strength... against all odds I can do this!! And although that's not a bad thing, it was taking over and controlling me. I felt frantic that if I tried and failed to VBAC, I would let down friends & family and they would view me as weak. The day before my OB appointment I was filled with a lot of fear and doubt - it was not a good day. I talked it all over with my husband; he said the decision was mine and he would support me either way. But I've always known he preferred the Cesarean and I knew a VBAC terrified him. I decided that I would go to the OB, see what she had to say, and then base my decision off of that. She said she would love to support me in a VBAC if I had had only one c/s but not two as the risks are a lot less known.

I prayed that God would give me a peace over which way to choose and He totally did! I believe He allowed me to have that day of fear and doubt as a way to prepare myself for what was ahead. There are still moments when I think of what this really means… no excitement of going into labor, no thrill of “I did it!”,  possibly not holding my baby right away, the long recovery, etc etc. but I know now that how I birth my baby does not define me as a mom… and I’m so glad Tech Guy will have his bonding time again while I’m in recovery.

I’m thankful I haven’t had the opposition I was fearing… my friends have all been so supportive… here’s an excerpt from one email I received:

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM, YOU ARE THE PERFECT MOM FOR ALL 3 OF YOUR KIDDOS.... sometimes you just need to hear that :)  And you are.  Remember that when Satan is trying to attack you.  You can already tell it was the right decision by the fact your husband is more relaxed about it.  He loves you.  He loves your kids and just wants the best for you!!!!

You know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!

thirty-one

How far along? 31 WEEKS!!!
Total weight gain: ??
Sleep: tapering off a little, got some good sleep-ins this weekend though! 
Best moment this week: my friend who had a successful VBAC has a gorgeous baby – got to meet him for the first time! 
Movement: no complaints!
Food cravings: not a lot anymore… nausea & heartburn have returned :(
Gender: boy!
What I miss: the days without pain in every joint, having enough breath, normal blood sugar/blood pressure
What I am looking forward to: having this whole thing over with, holding my baby in my arms…

From Baby-Gaga on week 31:

Your not-so-little-one is just a bit closer to their birth weight and height at around 4 pounds and 17 inches. With each added layer of baby fat, your baby's skin starts to look more and more like it will when they finally get to see the light of day. The heavy news: you can expect your miracle-gro muffin to gain about a half a pound of weight per week from now until about two weeks before birth. Great. That's just what you needed. Even more weight to carry around!

Your baby's still-developing immune system has gained substantial strength over the past few weeks getting them in full gear to face our disease-ridden world o’ wonders. Obviously, a large majority of your child’s immune strength will be derived from exposure to breast milk as well as the outside elements. Their cute little noggin’ (which could already be covered with luscious locks or just purty peach fuzz), is still soft because the skull bones have not yet fused together. As much as that sounds a little too vulnerable, their “skull softness” allows for a much smoother passage through the birth canal during labor—something both you and your little swimmer will appreciate when it’s finally time to “go!” Also, some babies will have that “soft spot” on their head for up to one year after birth.

garbage day

Every Friday morning my boys excitedly peer out the window to catch sight of the garbage truck. Some mornings it has come and gone by the time they are up, but today they got lucky. With noses pressed to the windows they watched as our 3 little bags got loaded up into the truck. Small delights, definitely, but they make the little guys’ day!

And since we’re on the topic of garbage trucks…

green

I love green… I’d have to say it’s probably my favorite color, plus it signifies the beginning of spring, of life, and growing things. And lately, I’ve just been so ready for spring to make its appearance… no more snow pants, hats & mittens, frosty vehicles, costly heating bills! I’m ready to open my windows, light the grill, plant those seeds, get my hands in the dirt… and yes, I have to admit it will be nice to lose the “bump” and meet the newest member of our family! So for the love of all things green…

thirty

How far along? 30 WEEKS!!!
Total weight gain: ??
Sleep: tapering off a little
Best moment this week: my friend had a successful VBAC, so I’m hopeful!
Movement: no complaints!
Food cravings: not a lot anymore… nausea & heartburn have returned :(
Gender: boy!
What I miss: a pain-free sciatic nerve :(
What I am looking forward to: having this whole thing over with, holding my baby in my arms…

From Baby-Gaga on week 30:

The light is visible at the end of the tunnel! Your oversized self and amazing growing baby have finally reached the single digits (in terms of weeks till birth)! The fine lanugo hair that has been growing all over their little monkey-like body is going to start falling off this week in preparation for the big day. But don’t be shocked if they’re hairier than you’d anticipated, some babies keep their lanugo until after birth. Still, it’s not any cause to be concerned as it will fall off eventually. No surprises here: your little porker is getting even cuter with increasingly pudgy arms and legs this week thanks to the ever-growing layers of subcutaneous fat. In terms of numbers, your baby should be weighing in at around 3 pounds 12 ounces (or more!) and be nearly 16 inches long.

future firefighter

My husband is now the Fire Chief of our sleepy little town, as of January 1, 2010. It’s actually pretty amazing, since his dad & grandpa both served as chief in the same department before him. If I am correct, his grandpa was instrumental in starting up this department back in the 60’s. Our boys have both taken an interest in the firefighting occupation but Noodle has definitely taken it a little further. He spends a lot of time with his imaginary “fire hose” spraying out fires & ever since he & Buster had the chance to go along on a call with Daddy, he’s been into the whole radio traffic thing as well. I had to smile yesterday when I told him something & he replied, “Roger, Dispatch!”

I’m thinking of putting in an order at CafePress…

 

And maybe one for me and the bean:

you’ve got mail

We don’t have a mailbox on our house. Crazy, I know… the teeny tiny town we live in is small enough that we still drive/walk/bike to the post office for our mail. But there is just something so cool about a mailbox. Growing up in the far north of rural Alberta, we had a mailbox at the end of our loooong driveway, our address was Rural Route #1 just like everyone else in the community, the postmistress knew us all personally and life was good! I remember when we moved to Saskatchewan and got a post office box. I just felt like we were so urbanized and advanced… but sometimes I missed that walk to the road every morning, opening that creaky mailbox door, and putting the flag down…

Mailboxes have come a long way. You can still buy the old fashioned kind with a flag:

or a more ornate version:

but I’m leaning a little more to this one:

Wouldn’t it look stunning with our black trim? What about you – what kind of mailbox do you have? Or do you get your mail at the post office like us?

These photos are all courtesy of www.MoreMailboxes.com, part of the CSN Stores family. If you’ll remember I mentioned them in a previous post. I truly adore their variety of products, but better yet – they ship to Canada!!

simple baby finds

Baby’s arrival is definitely starting to weigh heavy on my mind… and spine! I’ve been going into my own version of nesting mode lately and finding lovely little baby things that catch my eye. Modern baby things, simple & organic in their shapes and colors, are the first to catch my eye:

 

And thanks to the people behind these lovely products, I get a free product to review. I can hardly wait!!!

neighborly

I grew up 100% country girl. For the first 11 years of my life, I had 80 acres to explore & enjoy. And after that… we lived on acreages so I still was pretty countrified! Almost 2 years ago we moved into town when construction on our house was complete and ever since I’ve been battling a common problem of town moms everywhere. And so I thought I’d bring it to my readers for some advice. How do you deal with neighbor kids who want to come over every day? I aspire to be hospitable and to have that home that is open to everyone and yet I feel it is *our* home and we have the right to set boundaries… Where is the line between *hospitable* and being *overwhelmed* with visits from our junior neighbors? As a Christian, should I even set my foot down or is it okay as the mother of my children to say, “Hey buddy, you can come over on Tuesdays & Thursdays but any other day is off-limits”? I would really love to hear how some of you have handled this situation.

Note: The boy in question is Noodle’s age and at times is over every morning, which I have a hard time with, being the private person that I am…

support

I am overwhelmed by the support & encouragement I got from you guys after my last post. There are a lot of emotions surrounding pregnancy and birth and so many of us moms tend to judge other moms by how they birth & feed their babies… including myself, sadly! Let’s not forget the big picture here – if the babies are thriving, that’s really what matters… and in the end, where would we be without the support of our fellow moms? You rock, guys! Thanks so much for hanging out here and sharing your thoughts…

birth emotions part ii

I’ve been rolling all my thoughts, opinions and fears around & around in my head. Thinking about the upcoming – and completely unavoidable – birth. If you’ve been hanging around me or my blog lately, you know I’m a Cesarean mom twice over and hoping for a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 C-sections). So many times since the birth of my boys, I’ve felt robbed, cheated, less than a complete mother… and at some points, a failure.

In my journey towards a VBAC decision, I’ve read a lot of articles, blogs, books… many many opinions… and unfortunately it’s really hard to find ones that are unbiased. On one hand, you have those who are anti-doctor, anti-hospital, going so far as to say that in a hospital you may experience “birth-rape” when decisions are taken out of your hands. On the other hand you have people who choose every available measure to make the birth easier… epidurals to C-sections. And I fall somewhere in the middle.

Yesterday I stumbled upon an article that finally had that calming effect on me… and here are some excerpts that especially jumped out at me:

You have a choice about how you experience life and how you respond to the things that happen to you. You can allow things that happen to you dictate your self-worth.

And most importantly:

I think that the goal of pregnancy shouldn’t be the “birth experience” or having one’s body “do what it was designed to do”; the goal of pregnancy should be a live baby at the end.

Please note that I don’t necessarily agree with the entire article… but for once I realized that I'm not defined by how I birth my baby, feed my baby, or dress my baby. My main goal should be to nurture & love my baby (& hubby & kids!) and to live a life of service. May I keep my priorities straight…

29

How far along? 29 weeks!
Total weight gain: 30 lbs 
Sleep: pretty good, still lovin’ the body pillow!
Best moment this week: I’d still have to say the movement… it’s been summersaults lately, and he reacts to loud sounds & music 
Movement: much more lively, love it!
Food cravings: fresh fruit & veggies, salads
Gender: boy… at least that’s what they say…
What I miss: a pain-free sciatic nerve :(
What I am looking forward to: decorating the nursery, holding my baby :)

From Baby-Gaga on week 29:

If you’ve been feeling butterflies moving around in your belly, it’s not just your run-of-the-mill pre-birth performance anxiety. No, it’s your amazing baby with a case of the hiccups: a fairly common occurrence at this point resulting from practicing breathing for their big birthday. In addition, to getting a round of butterfly-like hiccups, your little swimmer has arduously managed to accumulate enough baby fat to account for nearly 3.5% of their overall body weight. Yeah, compared to we adults, it’s not a lot, but when they’re little like that—it’s certainly a healthy (and warming) accomplishment in its way. Another fantastic accomplishment: your baby's spleen is now in charge of hematopoiesis—the 10 dollar name for the process involved in building up certain important blood components. Another fantastic-accomplishment: your little monkey has been peeing into their amniotic sac for a little while now (this is why potty training takes a while) and if you didn’t know, actually swallows it along with the rest of the amniotic fluid. Although the concept is nasty, their urine is sterile and as part of the amniotic fluid base, is replaced several times throughout the day. So if you didn’t know before, now you can tell people, that yes, you drank your own urine—you were still in the womb, but nonetheless, you’ve been there.